Boundaries are crucial to self-care

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

Boundaries define what we are comfortable with and allow us to set clear expectations for how others treat us. They safeguard us from overextending ourselves and ensure our own needs are met. When we let others cross our boundaries it comes at a cost to our peace of mind. Feeling disrespected or taken advantage of when our boundaries have been repeatedly crossed makes it difficult to maintain healthy and productive relationships.

However, asserting boundaries can be challenging. It can often feel uncomfortable because we are naturally wired to be liked by others. Being liked and part of a group gave our hunter-gatherer ancestors a survival advantage.

Although setting boundaries can be hard, dealing with the consequences of weak boundaries is also difficult, and often even more so. Weak boundaries can lead to feeling overwhelmed, resentment, frustration, and self-disappointment. They can also result in burnout, helplessness, and fantasies of escaping our own lives.

The good news is that the more you practice honoring yourself and your boundaries, the easier it becomes. When you affirm a boundary, you are being true to yourself, and that should be celebrated! Standing up for yourself shows strength, growth, and self-love. Good on you!

Tips for Setting Boundaries

• Know what works for you: Healthy boundaries stem from understanding your needs and communicating them clearly. Sometimes the way we set boundaries can take experimenting and practice, so be patient with yourself as you try out different things. 
• Be kind to yourself: It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when setting boundaries. But, the more you practice, the easier it will become.
• Focus on Yourself: We aren’t responsible for how others respond to our boundaries. Focus on supporting your needs.
• Prioritise self-care: Setting boundaries helps you support your loved ones. Because, when you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others. 

Frame your boundaries using "I" statements to express your need - for example, "I feel short on time this week, I’ll get back to you next week.”

Expressing your boundaries can also sound like: 

• "I can stay, but I have to leave in an hour."
• "I’m not comfortable discussing that topic."
• "Thank you for the offer, but unfortunately, I can’t make it."
• "I need some time to think about it."
• "I can’t do that."

By setting and respecting boundaries, we nurture our mental health and foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships in all areas of our lives.

I love this quote on boundaries.

“It’s such a cliché, sweet peas, but it’s true: you must set boundaries. Fucked up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments or betrayals. They are a purely peaceable thing: the basic principles you identify for yourself that define the behaviors that you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you and they teach you how to respect yourself. In a perfect world, our parents model healthy personal boundaries for us. In your worlds, you must model them for your parents—for whom boundaries have either never been in place or have gone gravely askew.

Emotionally healthy people sometimes behave badly. They lose their tempers, say things they either shouldn’t have said or could have said better, and occasionally allow their hurt or fear or anger to compel them to act in inappropriate, unkind, or overall jackass ways. They eventually acknowledge this and make amends. They are imperfect, but essentially capable of discerning which of their behaviors are destructive and unreasonable and they attempt to change them, even if they don’t wholly succeed. That’s called being human.”

― Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar