Fulfilment over Productivity

It's time for a change.

Sometimes, I find that I have this need to be constantly producing and optimising myself and my routine and habits. I've found that it's often during my weekends, or holidays that I feel this way. In needing to be productive, it ultimately leaves me feeling tired and unfulfilled because I've spent my days in constant movement, rather than what I need or wanted - to rest, recharge, and be present for the moments that give me the most peace, joy and connection.

Being reflective, and finding ways to improve oneself - self care, managing emotions, being more organised -  can be so helpful when done in balance. But somewhere along the way I started to think about myself as a constant self improvement project. But, we don't always need to be doing more or be doing better,  we can just be. This is what I want to practise.

We may receive external validation - from friends, family, colleagues when we are seen to be "producing" often, which can be hard to let go of.  Especially since we often don't receive the same kind of praise, validation and encouragement when we choose to slow down, to rest and recharge. I want to better at just being - noticing, reflecting, but not needing to take action. I want to choose meaningfully where to place my energy.

I realised something needed to change over the Christmas break -  I was looking forward to resting and doing very little, but instead spent my days in planning mode -  e.g. planning my next holiday. In the need to get as much done as possible, and plan, I missed out on the opportunity that day to do what I needed most - to just enjoy myself on this holiday.

I want to change what the word 'productive' means to me. Rather than it being tied to a visible outcome -  being productive can also mean to rest, to have more mindful moments, be in nature, or do nothing at all. Doing very little is productive.